A good friend of mine was in a relationship with a man who had herpes. He seemed very reticent about bringing up the subject of sex. The two are aged in their sixties, so she told me she thought maybe his reluctance to talk about sex was because his libido had diminished.
She stood his silence for just so long, but began to feel rejected and confronted him about his reluctance to take this next step in their relationship. He explained he was infected with herpes.
Like so many people confronted with this kind of news for the first time, her brain went into overdrive, wondering whether if they now had sex she was exposing herself to some potentially fatal disease. I did my best to calm her down by giving her the benefit of my own experience and explaining how to minimize the risks involved.
Truth is most people don’t even recognize herpes symptoms in themselves, far less have the foresight to let potential sexual partners know about it. If you notice any kind of sore or irritation you really should get it checked out as soon as possible. The sooner you can get a diagnosis, the sooner you can start treatment.
It turns out my friend had experienced a genital sore herself some years previously. She hadn’t been checked out but it may be that she was already infected with the herpes virus.
My friend and her partner stayed together. They make a handsome couple. I’m not taking any credit for the success of their relationship, but I would like to think that my advice helped my friend through a difficult time and maybe influenced the way in which she was able to deal with the situation.
My advice to anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation is this. Be upfront. Be honest. Talk things through thoroughly and do some of your own research into herpes. Gain your potential partner’s interest in you first. Do not disclose your situation on a first, second or even a fifth date. Once you are starting to feel safe and emotionally close to that someone, tell him/her. Don’t make out as if your self worth were lessened or your personality damaged in any way. It is important you learn to feel good about yourself first. I always recommend finding some sort of emotional support after diagnosis, whether that be on line forums, local support groups, a caring friend or a therapist . You should resume dating only once you have fully regained your dignity and self-esteem. People are often mirrors. If you feel unacceptable in some way because you have herpes, your date is likely to mirror that right back to you by rejecting you. So make sure to choose yourself first.
Always remember that there are millions of people out there with herpes who are in good, strong, stable relationships. Herpes does not have to rule your life. You can beat it just so long as you know how.
If you want to cut the risk of transmitting herpes to your partner(s), give my herpes antidote a try. It has been proven that the fewer symptoms you have, the less likely you are to transmit herpes. Herpes Antidote will help you eliminate herpes outbreaks from your life. Furthermore, if you don’t know this information, you could increase your chances of transmitting herpes while thinking you are protecting your partner. Herpes antidote will give you the self-esteem you need to go back to the dating scene and get the relationship you are craving for.